I grew up moving from place to place always making new friends and fitting in. I never found myself having to finish anything because I could manipulate my way through it or just abandon it without consequence. Fitting in was always important to me, so I learned to perform. Life was an act: home, church, school, friendships, etc. I made it all work by conforming in order to be somebody, and I made a lot of messes.
Along the way, there were always people who loved me as I was—no strings attached. They were real when I was not. I found out that people who really love you aren’t afraid to help you face consequences. In the end, pain and punishment squeezes things out of you that you didn’t even know you were capable of doing. As a result, I learned from them the power of grace—giving people more leeway than they deserve and never giving up on them—and then decided to be someone who did the same. What I discovered about me is that I am a performer. It’s a gift. I like to be up front and when I am, I do the most good for others. And conforming? I was simply using my performance talents to cope with all the change in my life.
Do you know what it is like to destroy the best in you to cope with the worst in you and others? Eventually, you hate the best thing about you because it has been your only defense for so long. I realized that much of my pain as a young person was unnecessary. It came from not embracing who I was meant to be—a performer, a teacher, and a visionary leader. I don’t want anyone else to ever have to pretend in order to be somebody when I know that God has already created them for a special purpose. By simply believing in them, encouraging them to be true to their Godly passions, and challenging them to try things out, I now partner with people until they discover who they are and their place in the cause of Jesus Christ.
God is bigger than I can comprehend, and those who think they have figured Him out have no clue. Those who take time every day to admit what they do not know about God begin to discover him in ways they never expected. I actively search to discover things about his purpose, his wills, and his ways that no one ever taught me. I challenge my mind and my heart to think outside the box, and ask prayerfully to see God as he is, outside of any doctrinal people want to put Him in. Then I take time to weigh what I believe he might be teaching me against what he says in his book, the bible. God will not contradict Himself. His truth is certain. In light of it, I discover who I am through the supremacy and teaching of his son, the Lord, Jesus Christ.